Why Playing The Comparison Game Might Be Holding You Back
In the world of social media, it is so easy for persons to fall prey to comparing themselves with others. Just a couple of swipes on someone’s Facebook or Instagram profile, and you can see the highlight reel of their life. Notice I said highlight reel. So, you are not going to see their failures and misfortunes that ordinary people experience daily. You only see the flashy clothes, fancy vacations, happy relationships, nice houses, and cars. This may cause you to compare their seemingly glamorous living with what you may consider to be your ordinary life. The ironic thing is that those same persons would probably love to trade places with you to finally experience the peace, joy, and love that you experience. You will never know the challenges and struggle people face scanning through social media. It is their business what they decide to present, and most times it will be their best. Even though I started with social media, this happens within any social group. People tend to question each other and then compare the answers to their circumstances. It happens a lot for critical areas like ones’ career, material possessions, relationship status, and physical attributes. It comes when people ask what you do for a living. Right after answering, the comparison starts. Either they will credit you with social points or debit your remaining amount. In some cases, the viability of the whole conversation hinges on this answer. So much more can be said but let’s flesh this out one at a time.
Comparison Distracts and Confuses
The thing about this one is that comparison can start from a very innocent place like admiration and emulation. You may compare yourself for the sake of motivating yourself to work harder because you admire the hard work of your friend or social group. Nothing is inherently wrong. I would advise that you learn as much from the wise people around you. If there is none, then seek them out. Where things start to get shaky is when you are not spending enough time to know yourself and the plans and purposes that God has in store for you. But instead, you may default to whatever the group is doing or whatever your successful friend is doing. If someone else’s achievement influences your mood and plans, then that is dangerous. For example, let’s say you have a plan to give yourself time to work through personal issues in your life before getting married but then because a friend of yours got married and is happy, you scrap your original plan in favor of getting married ASAP. If that is how things are, then your goals and achievements will be contingent on those around you. Comparison, in this case, causes one to overlook their unique makeup, their potential contribution, and impact in this world. You can only do your best. God made you that way.
Comparison Robs You of Contentment
If all you do is to compare the not-so-good things about your life with the seemingly perfect areas of others, then that vaporizes your gratitude and with that goes your contentment. A man whose default response is to compare his life with others is in for a distorted roller-coaster of emotions. There is always going to be somebody better than you at something, someone more beautiful, more talented, more charismatic, etc. One must learn to be content with where they are while working on where they are trying to be. Similarly, you will always find areas in life where you are better than someone else. It should not be that your feelings are so easily moved from one state to the next because of being caught up in the comparison game of who is better and worse. Your mood should not be allowed to reach the place where it depends on your success relative to others. Comparisons like this may even cause you to limit your accomplishments because your gauge for doing well are those around you, and they may not be living up to their potential. But suppose there is more potential inside you than you are currently mining; you wouldn’t know if your standard is the crowd.
Comparison Creates Weird Social Dynamics
People tend to be more polite (euphemism here) to those who they believe have a higher social status than themselves. It is like a social hierarchy that is subconsciously created and manifested within groups of people because of the comparisons among themselves with the ranking determined by who gets assigned more social points relative to each other. Those who do not subscribe to this way of organizing themselves may look odd or bold. For example, a case where a regular staff speaks to the CEO with the same level of confidence and fluidity as he would with his/her coworker but everyone else is kissing up. Another is one where someone says something, and nobody acknowledges it but, when another person with more social status says the same, the group praises it as a deep thought or observation. In this social dynamic, people downplay their contribution and opinions even when they may hold the solution or key insight. Someone may not be a subject matter expert nor have relevant experience, but with status, they have the ears and bias of those around them. That is where we get the term Yes Men. Some may say this is admiration but what I will say is that whenever good judgment leaves the room and biases go in favor of this person or set persons, the comparison game is at play in this weird dynamic.
How Is Comparison Useful Then?
Comparison is useful for carefully examining the version of yourself today against the version yesterday. It helps to check for growth in your character, and closer alignment to values and ideals, or signs of regression. It is not for highlighting your weaknesses compared to others for the sake of hurting your self-confidence but should be used as a tool to improve who you are as a person and in achieving your goals. I remember applying this concept as a student in where I examined my grades at the end of the first semester and set myself a target to increase all my second-semester grades by 10%. I did some introspection and identified areas where I needed to strengthen and double down, and it worked. Now, if I were distracted by someone else’s grades, I would not have done the necessary introspection and assessment I needed. I would have probably been so focused on what has worked for other persons without much consideration of my uniqueness in how I learned. While I admired those around me, I knew, ultimately, that the bulk of my focus was supposed to be on what can I do to improve in the context of my individuality.
Case Closed on The Comparison Game
In short, comparing yourself with others is dangerous. It is an endless and fruitless game that robs you of focus and contentment and can make you downplay your contribution and the value you bring to the table. It takes your eye off the plans and purposes that God has for you and put your eyes on someone else’s journey. And if you are not careful, it will turn you into a washed-up carbon copy of those around you. Comparison’s healthy use is to make you a better version of yourself by assessing your growth over time and measuring character against your values and ideals. Don’t fall prey to its negatives but use it as a mirror to examine and improve yourself.